Cupid Goes Crazy in Konaha
by mdizzle
Summary: Why is Hinata acting like Naruto? Why does TenTen want to kill Ino? And why is Sakura treating Kiba like Sasuke? Pairings are NaruHina, AnkoIruka, SakKib onesided, TenTenxNeiji, NeijiIno one sided. You get your update a day early lucky you
1. Chapter 1

**Cupid Goes Crazy in Konoha**

One day when I was feeling very random I came up with this story idea. I got to tell you right now that this story is even more random than I was feeling back than. Start the fic.

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A winged baby had finally snapped. It was utterly insane now but still armed with a bushel of love arrows.

It smiled insanely as it looked down at twelve ninjas who were enjoying the starry knight sky.

Neiji and Tenten were holding hands, Hinata was blushing while looking at Naruto, Ino was staring at Sasuke with hearts in their eyes, Shino was attending to his bugs, Chouji was munching on his chips while Rock Lee was saying how it would be more youthful for him to share, Shikamaru was just staring up at the sky looking at the clouds, and Kiba was pestering Sakura about something.

"Man Sakura when are you just going to give up on Sasuke? The guy is a total dick!" said Kiba.

"Shut up Kiba! Sasuke is the best there is!" lectured Sakura.

"**CHA! SASUKE RULES!"** shouted Inner Sakura.

Cupid cackled crazily as he shot Sakura with a love arrow.

Sakura looked at Kiba with loved filled eyes and swore that there was romantic violin music in the background.

Kiba merely looked at Sakura oddly.

"Hey, you okay? You're looking kind of sick or something. Hey did you hear that violin music?" asked Kiba.

"Every time I see you." Said Sakura.

"Oh well then I…wait…what you'd you say?" asked Kiba.

"Kiba, how about we go out on a date♥?" asked Sakura.

"Huh? What about all that crap you just said about Sasuke?" asked Kiba.

"Who's Sasuke?" asked Sakura.

Sasuke immediately pushed Ino aside and walked over to Sakura.

"Sakura! You can't honestly tell me you prefer this guy over me! You can't just get over me just like that!" said Sasuke.

"CHAAAAAA! SHUT UP SASUKE!" shouted Sakura.

What happened next stunned everyone, Sakura hit Sasuke…not unlike the way she would hit Naruto for bugging her too much.

This couldn't be right, Sakura would never hit him.

"I saw it but I still don't believe it." Said Shikimaru.

"Wow. She treats you worst than me. I usually at least get a couple warnings before she does that to me." Said Naruto.

Sakura turned around only to see Kiba and Akamaru running away.

"Kiba! Wait!" shouted Sakura.

"Run for it Akamaru!" shouted Kiba.

Akamaru merely yipped.

Sakura started to run after them.

"Well I didn't see that one coming." Said Neiji.

"Me neither." Said Ino.

Neiji looked at Ino for a moment but that was all that it took.

Cupid shot his arrow at Neiji who could swear was hearing cheesy violin music as he gazed upon Ino's face.

"Hey, do you hear violin music?" asked Ino.

"How could I have been so blind…" said Neiji.

Neiji let go of Tenten's hand and made his way over to Ino.

"Neiji?" asked a shocked Tenten.

"As to not see such a beauty in front of me!" said Neiji.

Neiji cupped Ino's hand with his two.

"Huh? Now hold on a moment you're supposed to be Tenten's boyfriend!" said Ino.

"Aw forget her! You are the only women I want in my life!" said Neiji.

"Are you okay? You're starting to sound like Lee!" said Ino.

Tenten was shocked her whole world was utterly destroyed. This couldn't be happening to her, Neiji would never do this to her.

Suddenly a rage Tenten never knew bubbled to the surface.

"YOU!" shouted Tenten while pointing at Ino.

"Huh?"

Ino was trying to figure out what the fuck was going on around here.

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT YOU HOMEWRECKER!" shouted Tenten.

TenTen took out a number of shuriken and kunais in each hand.

"I'LL KILL YOU!!!" shouted Tenten.

Ino started to run for her life with Tenten chasing after her shouting death threats.

"I'll meet up with you later, okay Ino?" cried Neiji.

Neiji walked off wondering what kind of flowers Ino would like.

"This is just wrong." Said Skikimaru.

Shikimaru left saying something about 'troublesome', Chouji went to an all you can eat buffet, Lee went off saying something about it not being youthful to be crazy. Sasuke left to try to figure out why the hell Sakura was ignoring him. As the old saying goes 'people want what they can't have'.

"Well Hinata I guess that leaves just you and me now huh?" said Naruto.

Hinata blushed and started pushing her index fingers together.

Cupid aimed an arrow at Hinata and fired while cackling.

Cupid did a double take as he saw his arrow bounce off of her.

He fired several other arrows but it all ended with the same results.

This could only mean that the girl was ALREADY in love with the boy. But cupid still had an ace up his non existent sleeve.

Cupid pulled out a giant green arrow with the letters 'AMPLIFIER' on it. This arrow tended to have different results tending on who it was fired at and who the target was in love with.

The arrow was fired but once it hit Hinata she fell to the ground.

"Hinata!" shouted Naruto.

Naruto lifted her head up as he knelt down next to her.

"Hinata speak to me!" said Naruto.

Hinata opened her eyes and saw Naruto's face. Suddenly cheesy violin music started to play.

"Hey, do you here violin music? Oh well never mind, are you okay?" asked Naruto.

"I'm fine! Believe it!" said Hinata.

"Oh well that's nice to…" Naruto stopped mid sentence to stare at Hinata incredulously. "Did you just say 'believe it'?"

The next thing Naruto knew he was tackled to the ground with a hug by Hinata.

"H-H-Hinata! What do you think you're doing? Let go!" said Naruto.

Despite the fact that Naruto was having trouble breathing there was a part of him that enjoyed this.

"Never!" said Hinata.

"But why?" asked Naruto.

Despite Hinata's previous statement she let go of him. Naruto blinked in confusion for a moment.

However, it didn't last as Hinata started shaking him by the shoulders.

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, YOU MORON!"

"WHAT?" shouted Naruto.

That's all for now, I know it may be a bit out there but like I said 'random'. So try not to take it too seriously. See ya next time.


	2. Chapter 2

Glad to see everyone enjoyed the last chapter. Hopefully this one will be just as good. Hehehe. Start the fic.

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Naruto was stuck in an iron grip by Hinata. What happened to the timid little mouse? And what was that about her loving him? Something must be wrong.

Naruto tried to slip out but Hinata's grip held firm.

Hinata sighed contently.

"My Smooky Bear." Said Hinata.

"I am not a Smooky Bear!" said Naruto.

Naruto took out a crowbar from who knows where and started to try to pry himself off of Hinata but it was all in vein.

Naruto was afraid that for once he was going to have to think his way threw this. A light bulb suddenly appeared over his head.

"Hey!"

Naruto grabbed the light bulb and put it in his pocket.

"It's so hard for me to buy light bulbs in this town. Now on to the plan…HEY LOOK! SOMEONE'S GIVING OUT WALLET SIZED PICTURES OF ME!" shouted Naruto.

Hinata practically leapt off of Naruto and put a hand over her eyes.

"Where?! Where?!"

Naruto took this time to make a run for it. When Hinata turned around she saw him running down the street away from her.

"Oh I get it! You want to play hard to get! Okay, here I come!" shouted Hinata.

Naruto started to run faster.

"SOMEBODY HELP! HINATA IS INSANE!"

Unfortunately not as insane as cupid was at the moment.

Cupid shot him with an arrow but unknown to the winged baby it wasn't only going to effect something inside him instead of Naruto himself, but it also wouldn't have the desired effect.

Inside the cage the Kyuubi felt like he was going to throw up because his cage was spinning.

"**What's that whelp doing? Falling down a hill? Grrrrrrr! Make him stop!!!" **

Unfortunately it only got worse after that. The nine tailed fox start to act drunk, his words slurred, and he started yelling at people who weren't even there. He was wobbling while standing.

"**Curse you Yondaime! Do you know whog I am? I'm the Kyuufi! I mean the Kyuugi! The Kyuupi! The Kyuudi! The Kyuuzi…I'M THE FOX!"**

The Kyuubi hiccupped for a second.

"**I'll teach you a lesson you no good…thingy!"**

The Kyuubi hit his head on the bars of his cage.

"**Who put these bars here?"**

Naruto stopped running for a moment and let out a groan.

"I don't feel so well. I think I got both a headache and stomach ache. Hope it isn't because I drank sour milk by accident again."

"NARUTO I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU ANOTHER HUG! BELIEVE IT!" shouted Hinata.

"Uh-oh. Time to run again!!" said Naruto.

Iruka Umino was grading tests in his office. It never failed to amaze him how Konahamaru could be such a little prankster and a good student at the same time.

He supposed it was because the child wanted to be like his hero Naruto. Now if he had only known Naruto was dead last…

Suddenly the door to his office opened.

"There you are." Said a voice.

Iruka turned and saw Anko walking over to him.

"Oh hello Anko. What can I do for you?" asked Iruka.

Anko merely smiled at him lustfully.

"Uh-oh."

Anko, the one woman who wasn't shot by cupid, thought it about time she found herself a good man. And after much thought she realized that Iruka was the one man in the entire village who knew how to treat a woman properly. Thus she saw him as perfect lover material.

Sasuke was brooding, as usual, but this time over Sakura.

"How could she just get over me like that?" asked Sasuke.

Sure he always gave her the cold shoulder but she always bounced back. But now…now she was treating him worse than Naruto, something he didn't think possible.

"Maybe I should apologize or something…nah."

"SOMEBODY HELP!" shouted a voice.

Sasuke looked down the street to see Kiba and Akamaru running for their lives.

"What do you dobes think you're doing?" asked Sasuke.

Much to his surprise the two ran right past him.

"Well that was weird."

Sasuke squints as he sees a dust cloud developing in the distance.

"What is that?" asked Sasuke.

When the cloud started to get closer Sasuke saw that it was Sakura running with hearts in her eyes.

"Hey Sakura…"

"OUT OF MY WAY SASUKE!" shouted Sakura.

She elbowed Sasuke in the face and continued to run.

Tsunade was busy working in her office.

"Stupid paperwork! Why does there always have to be so much?!" grumbled Tsunade.

Suddenly the doors slammed open and two blurs entered the room.

"NARUTO I LOVE YOU!" shouted one blur.

"HELP ME! PLEASE!" shouted the other.

Tsunade, recognized one of the blurs as Naruto. Thinking this was some type of prank she grew furious.

Tsunade opened a window.

"ALRIGHT YOU TWO! GET OUT NOW!" shouted Tsunade.

The blurs were still running around the room.

"GET OUT OR ELSE I'LL MAKE YOU DO MY PAPER WORK!!!" shouted Tsunade.

That did it. That's what it took to get them out of her office.

She sighed to herself as she saw the mess in her office.

"What happened in here?" asked a voice.

Tsunade turned to see Jiraiya.

"A hurricane hit?" asked Jiraiya.

"Yeah, a hurricane name Naruto." Said Tsunade.

All of a sudden something struck Tsunade in the back. She looked at Jiraiya's face lovingly as violin music started to play in the background.

"Hey do you hear violin music…?"

Tsunade tackled Jiraiya to the ground.

"Oh Jiraiya, I love you so much!!" cheered Tsunade.

Jiraiya looked around the room trying to see if this was a trick or if she was exposed to some type of gas.

Usually she would pound him if something like this happened. Wait, that's it! She was trying to lour him into a false sense of security so she could wail on him!

Naruto found himself at a dead end in an alleyway. He turned to see Hinata at the opposite end of the alley looking at him with giant hearts in her eyes.

"H-H-Hinata! Try to calm down! You're scaring me!" said Naruto.

Hinata pouted cutely.

"Well that's definitely wasn't what I was going for. I just want you to love me. Oh! I got it! I'll use one of your jutsus to calm you down a bit!" said Hinata.

Naruto looked at her quizzically.

"Sexy no Jutsu!!!"

In a puff of smoke Hinata was replaced by an older, much more mature, naked Hinata. There were rings of smoke clouds covering her private areas.

She gave him a wink and Naruto was thrown backwards with a nose bleed knocking himself unconscious.

Hinata immediately turned off the jutsu.

"Naruto!!! I'm sorry! This isn't what I wanted!" exclaimed Hinata.

Well I don't know about you but I feel good about this chapter. What did you think?


	3. Chapter 3

I enjoy writing this fic when I feel random. Sorry for the lack of update, been busy. Start the fic.

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Naruto started to wake in a daze, he was apparently in some type of room laying on a futon, someone had been taking care of him. Hinata walked in but she was surprisingly enough in a traditional Japanese wedding dress.

"H-H-H-Hinata?!"

"Naruto-kun, I apologize for earlier. I should have known that before you wanted to have sex you would have wanted us to become officially man and wife."

Five seconds later there was a Naruto shaped hole in her wall. "Oh well, at least he's fun to chase. NARUTO, WAIT FOR ME!!!"

* * *

Ino ducked down into a dark alley panting heavily, chances were she finally had lost Tenten. 

"Hey Ino, is that you?"

Ino jumped at the voice that came from behind her. This voice belonged to none other than Neji but there was something different about him.

"Hey, did…did you dye your hair blonde?" asked Ino.

"Yes, I was hoping you would notice! I did it so he we would match!" said Neji.

"That's kind of creepy. What were you doing here anyways?" asked Ino.

"I was waiting for you to show up so I could show you my new hair." Said Neji.

A disgusted look crossed Ino's face.

"For how long were you waiting in this dark alley?" asked Ino.

"Seven hours, why?"

"You are REALLY creepy!" said Ino.

She turned her back and started to walk out on him.

"Hey, wait up beautiful! Where ya going? Can I come?"

"NO!!!"

* * *

Iruka ran down the hall with Indiana Jones music playing in the background for some reason. He dodged a spear that was thrown at him from behind. 

He saw another Chuunin instructor carrying a giant stack of papers. He slide underneath the stack of papers and kept on running.

Student spat spit balls at him from straws which he dodged like as if they were poisonous darts.

He slid through the door way avoiding the slowly dropping door to the exit and picked up a hat that was still inside the building.

"Wait…where did this come from? And why did I want to take it with me?" pondered Iruka.

Iruka shrugged and continued his escaping. Not a moment later Anko come out dressed in a leopard loin cloth and matching top holding a jungle spear.

"OOGA BOOGA!!!...Er…I mean…GET BACK HERE IRUKA!!!" shouted Anko.

"Oh man this is worse than that time Orochimaru impersonated a mall Santa Claus." Said Iruka.

_Flashback._

Orochimaru was dressed like Santa Claus sitting in a chair while Kabuto, who was dressed like an elf, brought a small child and placed him on Orochimaru's lap.

"Hello small child, tell me what bloodline do you posses?" asked Orochimaru.

"Um I don't have one…"

"NEXT!!!" shouted Orochimaru.

Kabuto came over and picked the child off of Orochimaru's lap.

"But I wanted a train set."

The next visitor to come and sit on Orochimaru's lap was one he would never forget. The next person that sat on his lap looked like a cross between a zombie and a Frankenstein. He was followed by a strange doctor who obviously was obsessed with rubbing his hands evilly.

"Well aren't you the big one?" asked Orochimaru. "So what do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas?"

The doctor grinned mischievously.

"Go ahead son, tell Santa what you want."

"…BRAINS!!!"

Orochimaru stared at the monster on his lap for a moment or two before finally speaking. "…I like you. Kabuto!! See this nice young man gets his fill of brains!!"

"Right away Santa-sama." Said Kabuto.

_End Flashback.

* * *

_

Sasuke walked down the street using a walking stick to prop himself up. This just wasn't fair, he was an Uchiha, he wasn't supposed to be turned down or socked in the jaw like that…especially not from someone who had known all his life to be his fan girl.

"Now where did he go?" asked a voice.

"Hey Sakura!!!" shouted Sasuke.

It was about damn time he got some answers.

"Oh, it's you. What the hell do you want?" asked Sakura.

"I want to know why you suddenly hate me." Said Sasuke.

Sakura turned her back to him in a huff.

"Hmph! I don't hate you!"

"Than what's with the attitude?!" asked Sasuke.

Sasuke limped over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. Sakura looked as she just had just been insulted and quickly turned around to start slapping Sasuke rapidly across the face.

"You've gone too far this time, Sasuke!!! Never touch me!!!"

She picked him up by the neck and delivered a solid punch to his face sending him flying down the path. However, he had been speeding down so fast he accidentally knocked over a trash can revealing a crouching Kiba.

Unfortunately for the Inuzaka, Sakura had spotted him.

"Oh crap!" swore Kiba.

Before he could run away Sakura grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close to her. Surprisingly enough she hit his nose with a rolled up newspaper. "OW!!! That's not funny!" he whimpered.

"Bad Kiba!! Running away from me like that!!"

However, when Sakura started to smirk at their close range Kiba started to sweat. The next thing he knew Sakura was sucking his face.

* * *

Kakashi was giggling while reading his book; he was just getting to the good part when he heard the sound of something cutting through the air. He held up his hand and caught a pink arrow. 

"Whoever you are…" Kakashi put his book away. "You may think you're invisible…" He pulled up his headband. "But with my Sharingan eye, I can see you!"

As Cupid came into view he cackled uneasily.

"I always knew this day would come!" said Kakashi.

Cupid cocked his head to the side confused.

"Yes I say this coming!! Is that so hard to believe?!" asked Kakashi.

Cupid took out another arrow and aimed it at Kakashi threateningly.

"I haven't fallen in love ever before and I'm not going to start now!! If you think you can shoot me with those things, think again!!!"

Kakashi sprinted forward as Cupid fired it's arrow.

That's it for now. I know I kind of left you hanging but that's the hook. Next chapter: Kakashi vs. Cupid!!

p.s. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY


	4. Chapter 4

Just a few more disclaimers: I do not own Peanuts, I do not own any songs from Avenue Q and I don't own anything else…. SO DON'T SAY THAT I DO!!!

Happy Valentines Day…

Again. Start the fic.

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Orochimaru stood on a cliff that overlooked the Hidden Leaf Village, he gave a small chuckle to himself.

"At last, the Village Hidden In the Leaves will fall before my…my…KABUTO, WHERE IS MY PIPE ORGAN MUSIC?!"

"WHAT?!" called Kabuto.

"I TOLD YOU I WANTED PIPE ORGAN MUSIC TO PLAY WHENEVER I DO SOMETHING EVIL!!!"

"THE ORGANIST IS OUT SICK TODAY!!!" shouted Kabuto.

"Awwww poo, so much for destroying the village. There goes all my plans for today." pouted Orochimaru.

"BRAINS!!!"

"Huh? Oh look, it's my best friend, Mr. Brain Eater Monster!!" said Orochimaru.

The same monster that had asked him for brains on Christmas walked up to the missing nin.

"I've just had my schedule cleared. Is there anything you'd like for us to do together today?" asked Orochimaru.

"EAT BRAINS!!!"

"Aaaaw, that's all you ever want to do!!!" whined Orochimaru.

* * *

Kakashi managed to block a heart shaped arrow with a kunai. So far it had been a pretty even match between him and the mythical figure.

"_He's putting up a better fight than I ever would have thought."_

Kakashi threw several shurikens at the flying baby but they were shot down by arrows.

"I guess I have no choice then…CHIDORI!!!"

Lightning crackled in his hand but he then noticed that the tiny winged baby had disappeared.

"Where did he…"

Cupid appeared behind Kakashi on the ground holding an arrow.

"HAHA HA HAHAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHA!!! (A THOUSAND YEARS OF CRUSHES!!!)"

Cupid stuck the arrow up Kakashi's butt making Kakashi shoot into the air holding his posterior.

He fell to the ground and knocked himself unconscious. With another insane cackle Cupid flew off into the sky.

* * *

Kiba finally pulled Sakura off of his face. "Damn it bitch I need to breathe!!!" shouted Kiba.

"Oh but what do you need air for when you have me?" asked Sakura.

"LOOK SOMETHING DISTRACTING!!!" shouted Kiba as he pointed past Sakura.

"What? Where?" asked Sakura.

As Sakura looked behind her Kiba decided that now was a good time to run for his life…or more likely, his virginity.

When Sakura turned back Kiba was gone.

"Oh you silly boy you can't run from me."

* * *

"Jiraiya…why haven't you done anything to me yet?" asked Tsunade.

"_Because I don't know how you're going to kill me yet."_ thought Jiraiya.

"Don't you like me?" pouted Tsunade.

"I'm just a little stunned you aren't still mad about that time I ruined your song." said Jiraiya.

_Flashback_

Tsunade was surrounded by giant holes and she was carrying a giant mallet. She was younger with a somewhat smaller bust, wearing a teacher's skirt.

"_The internet is really really great…"_ sung Tsunade.

Jiraiya suddenly popped his head of one of the holes. "FOR PORN!!!" shouted Jiraiya.

Tsunade brought down the hammer on the hole but Jiraiya had already ducked back inside.

"_I got a fast connection so I don't have to wait…"_ sung Tsunade.

Jiraiya popped up in the hole behind her. "FOR PORN!!!" Tsunade swung yet again and narrowly missed the Toad Sannin.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU JIRAIYA!!!" WHAM!!! "EVEN IF IT TAKES FIFTY YEARS!!!"

"You know I can see your panties from down here?" said Jiraiya.

"DIE!!!"

_End Flashback_

Tsunade pinched his cheeks "How could I ever stay mad at my Jiraiya-Whya?"

"…Did you just say…Jiraiya-Whya?"

* * *

Ino was hearing strange noises outsider her house. Despite her better judgement she decided to go out and check. Outside she saw that her garbage can had been turned over and Neji was digging through it.

"At last!!! I found her used gum!!!" said Neji.

Ino went green in the face, what was wrong with him. Ino was brought out of her stupor by the sound of sobbing. In the alley in between her house and her neighbor's sat Tenten hugging her knees crying eyes out.

"Tenten?"

"Sniff. I remember when he would…" she sobbed something incomprehensible due to the sobbing but Ino was pretty sure it had something to do with Neji. "MY used gum!! WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

"Wait you mean he used to go through your garbage too?" asked Ino.

"What? Of course not, that'd be creepy. First I would chew gum then he would ask for it in a flirtatious manor…then he'd start to chew it…WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" sobbed Tenten.

"And you would like that?!" asked Ino.

"Of course I would, I don't even have a fricken last name for crying out loud, he made me feel special!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

Tenten suddenly stopped crying and glared furiously at Ino. "YOU!!!" she pointed an accusing finger at her. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!" Ino stumbled a step back. "You stinkin floosy, you stole my man away from me!!!"

"Wait, Tenten it isn't like that!!!"

"I'LL KILL YOU!!!" shouted Tenten.

Tenten pulled out some of her scrolls releasing a truck load of killer intent.

* * *

"Kiba!!! Where are you?" called Sakura.

She had lost him a little while back but she was almost positive he was close by. What Sakura hadn't known was that she had just walked past him. Kiba was currently laying flat on his back on top of a red dog house remaining perfectly still.

When it looked like she had moved on to some other part of town he let out a sigh of relief.

"HAH!!!" shouted Sakura. "I SEE YOU NOW!!!"

"Oh good grief." groaned Kiba.

* * *

Kurenai looked at an unconscious Kakashi from across the park with a small amount of concern. He was definitely breathing but he wasn't moving, it almost looked like he was taking a nap.

Yes a nap…with his face in the dirt…and his butt in the air….Maybe she should help him.

Suddenly Kakashi woke up and looked towards her direction. Cheesy violin music seemed to play through the air.

"Is there a violinist nearby?" she mused.

However, she gave a small yelp as Kakashi sprinted straight towards her and…chased a squirrel up a tree.

"Wait, Squirrelly…I love you!!!" declared Kakashi.

0-0;

That's it for now, I know Kakashi's fight was a little short lived but when I figured it was going to cut into the randomness. And you got to admit Kakashi falling for a squirrel was a well worth twist. I know Naruto and Hinata, Iruka and Anko weren't in this chapter but that's because the next chapter is going to be all about them. I'm thinking about making this story a Valentines Day only fic…


	5. Chapter 5

Happy Single Awareness Day. Start the fic.

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Naruto ran into a changing room in a clothing store after being chased by Hinata for several blocks.

"Okay maybe now I can actually think a little and grasp my head around this whole situation. Gotta think think think!!"

"Think huh? Well could you tell me what you think of this orange lipstick?"

"Wha-The?! Hinata?!"

From outside you could see the curtain move about wildly as kissing sounds were being made.

Naruto made a mad dash out the changing room with his face covered in orange kiss marks.

"Wait!!" cried Hinata. "We can try the red one if you want!!"

Hinata chased after Naruto but bumped into someone.

"Hey why don't you watch where your…whoa, what happened to you?

It was none other than Sasuke Uchiha but he seemed barely alive.

"WHY DOES SAKURA HATE ME NOW?!" sobbed Sasuke.

"…Because you're an asshole!" said Hinata flatly.

"An asshole?! Okay I think I've put up with enough bullshit today!!" said Sasuke.

Sasuke rolled up his sleeves and charged blindly at the Hyuuga. However, this proved to be fruitless when Hinata delivered a Jyuuken kick into Sasuke's groin making him scream in such a depth that he sounded like an opera singer.

"HA! I think I just killed all your sperm!! How you gonna rebuild your clan now punk?!" mocked Hinata.

Sasuke stood up with tears in his eyes.

"That does it!!" shouted Sasuke.

Sasuke pouted at Hinata angrily like a little child might right before he gives a temper tantrum.

"SHARINGAN!!! HA!!! What'cha gonna do now bitch?! I've activated my Sharingan!! There's no possible way you could…"

POKE!!!

"OW!!! You poked me in the eye!!! My beautiful Sharingan eye!!!"

"…Pussy! I've wasted too much time here, I gotta find my snuggle fox!"

As Hinata ran off a shadow fell over Sasuke.

"Hello little brother."

* * *

Gai smiled down at his student Lee. "Today, I give you a present Lee."

"YAAAAAAAAY!!!"

"I give to you…" Gai sensei took a dramatic pose holding Lee's present. "A new jumpsuit."

However, their mortal eyes could not see the danger that was present, for Cupid had decided to strike once again.

"Gai-sensei I am in love with…with….with….with…THAT PRESENT!!!"

"Lee what're you talking ab…"

Lee quickly snatched the new jump suit from Gai and started to kiss it with an open mouth.

"Lee! Second basing it with a jump suit is NOT youthful!!" scolded Gai.

"B-But….But I love it." whimpered Lee.

"Lee!! It is an inanimate object!! It doesn't make sense to be in love with it!"

Lee held the jump suit close to himself protectively.

"There are worse couples!" defended Lee.

"Oh yeah?! Like who?!"

As if the universe decided to answer Gai's question a squirrel ran by followed shortly by Kakashi.

"WAIT SQUIRRELLY!!! COME BACK!!! I LOVE YOU!!!"

Gai dropped his jaw as he saw his rival chase after a squirrel with a giant heart where his one visable eye should've been.

"I KNOW WE'RE FROM DIFFERENT WORLDS!!! BUT WE CAN STILL MAKE IT WORK!!!"

* * *

Sasuke stood up and gave Itatchi a death glare.

"Why did you do it Itatchi?! Why did you kill the Uchiha Clan?!"

"I did it…to get laid!!" cheered Itatchi.

"…what?"

"You heard me little brother, I did it to get laid. The ladies LOVE it when you kill your entire family!"

"But…But I thought you did it because the Uchiha clan was going to rebel against Konoha."

"What? No! Who told you that crap?! If that was my reason then why would I join the Akatsuki? I killed everyone to get laid, Sasuke!" Itatchi crossed his arms in finality.

"But…"

"TO!!! GET!!! LAID!!! Seriously, I'm getting laid every single night!"

Sasuke shook his head. "It's unbelievable that, that is the reason you went on a killing spree."

"Oh believe it(A/N: no pun intended.) Sasuke, the ladies LOOOOOOOVE a man who'll kill his whole family. It's like their catnip or something; all I gotta do is say "Hey, I killed my entire clan" and then they fuck with me! They even let me fuck them up the ass!"

"I didn't need to know that." commented Sasuke.

"It's insane, even I can't believe it and I might have STDs!"

Sasuke covered his face with his palm. "I can't believe I'm having this conversation."

"You should kill everyone important to you too Sasuke." smiled Itatchi.

"Uuuuuuuurgh!!" groaned a frustrated Sasuke.

"That way YOU can get laid every night just like me!"

"I don't WANT to get laid!! I WANT Mom and Dad back!!!" snarled Sasuke.

"Well I'm sorry Sasuke but I think you got your priorities mixed up!"

Sasuke sighed and started to turn around. "You know what? I'm just going to pretend like this little meeting never happened, okay?"

* * *

Ino gave herself a stretch. "I think I'll take a page out of Shikamaru's book and take a nap. Maybe it'll help me get my mind off of Mr. Crazy and Miss I'm Going To Kill You Ya Homewrecker."

But as soon as she crawled into bed she had this eerie feeling she was being watched. To disprove this feeling and help her get some rest she opened her curtains but saw Neji on the other side with his face pressed against the glass.

"EEEK!!! WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!"

"Well Twilight fans thought it was romantic when Edward Cullen watched Bella sleep so I thought you would like it too."

That sentence made Ino's skin crawl. What was wrong with people now adays to think that THAT was romantic?!

Ino closed the curtains and ran out of the room.

"Ino!!!" TAP!!! TAP!!! TAP!!! "Can I come in and maybe steal your panties or something?" pleaded Neji.

"GO AWAY!!!"

"Tenten never minded."

Hope that tickled your funny bone. Not too sure how I feel about this chapter, something feels...off. But then again this is supposed to be a carefree story so whatever. I'll see you next year.


	6. Chapter 6

Well it's that time of year again so whether you're reading this with your special gal or just need a good laugh to lift your spirits on this day for couples, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Start the fic.

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Naruto quickly rounded the corner in the street like a racecar with Hinata closing in hot on his tail.

She finally chased him down an alleyway, where Naruto quickly found a dead end.

"Oh no! I'm trapped!"

Hinata's shadow fell over Naruto.

"I honestly don't see anyway how I can escape now!

Suddenly, to interrupt your reading an ad appears on your screen which reads 'To unlock this page please fill out this survey from one of our many sponsors.'

"Oh for the love of…!" shouted Hinata.

Hinata walked on to your computer screen and started to kick the advertisement.

"Stupid website! Get off your sponsors' dick(s) already! Stop screwing over your readers!" she all but screamed.

The advertisement finally shatters and Hinata gives a sigh of relief. "I swear this site is going downhill fast."

She walks off screen and camera reverts back Kohnoha leaving Hinata in front of the alleyway again. She dusts herself down and clears her throat.

"Okay, sorry about that Naruto-sweetums. I was just…"

Hinata stared down the alley to find no Naruto there.

"What the…NARUTO THAT'S CHEATING!" shouted Hinata.

* * *

Hinata was once again chasing Naruto, she seemed able to stay on his tail but not able to get close enough for a glomp tackle.

"Only one thing to do!" Hinata reached behind her back and grabbed something.

"BOYFRIEND BALL! GO! ! !"

Hinata threw a ball with a NaruHina picture on it and it hit Naruto in the back of the head making him fall to the ground.

Naruto rubbed the spot where he got hit as he started to sit up. "Well… ow!"

The ball then opened up and sucked him inside with a bright light. The ball wobbled to the left, then it wobbled to the right, then it remained still with a resounding 'DONG'.

"Alright! I caught him! I caught him! I caught him!" cheered Hinata.

The ball then opened up and Naruto popped out in a bright light. After bringing himself back up to his feet he screamed and ran like the wind.

"What the…?" paused Hinata. She quickly picked up the ball and started to chase after him shooting a red laser from the ball. "YOU GET BACK IN YOUR F***ING BALL! I CAUGHT YOU FAIR AND SQUARE!"

She shot the red laser at him repeatedly missing again and again. Finally she grew frustrated with it and tossed it over her shoulder muttering something about it being useless.

But what she didn't see was the NaruHina sticker on it fall off as it fell through a small portal to who knows where.

* * *

Kakashi had somehow scared the squirrel back up to it's tree. But instead of chasing after the poor terrified thing, he took out a guitar and decided to try and serenade it.

"_Oh Squirrely, Squirrely, Squirrely, I love you it's true! You're always running from me I don't know what to do! But I'm still nuts for only you!"_

The squirrel replied by tossing an acorn at Kakashi's only visible eye.

* * *

Itachi smirked as he watched a rather sexy woman walk by. "Hey there baby, you're so hot you're melting the elastic in my underwear."

The woman turned up her nose in disgust. "UGH! Pervert!"

"Did I mention I killed my whole entire clan?"

The woman froze in her steps. "Your entire clan you say?"

"Well yeah, but I started with my parents. They were crying while I did it."

Almost instantly the woman had cozyed up to him, leaning her entire body against him. "That is so hot!"

"Yeah. Some begged for mercy but I didn't even bat an eyelash."

"Oh keep talking." The woman moaned.

"It was a real slaughter fest. Blood and gore everywhere. They all died, save for my brother, but that was just because…"

"OH MY GOD!" the woman screamed in close proximity to Itachi's ear. "Are you gay for him? !"

"What? ! Ewww! ! ! NO! ! ! One, I'm straight, that's why I'm hitting on you! Two, he's my f****ing brother! !"

"Yeah but the only thing a woman like me enjoys more than Yaoi is Incest Yaoi!"

"That's disgusting! !"

The woman crossed her arms in a pout. "Still gonna write a fanfic about it when I get home."

Itachi glared at the woman.

"Do you want to get laid or not? !" he all but snarled.

* * *

Naruto fell down from the ceiling into what looked like…a tv game show?

"Hello!" The Shippuden version of Hinata came out dressed up as a tv game show host.

"AAGH!" screamed Naruto.

"And welcome to our show, so what's your name you little cutie?"

"Um…Naruto?"

Naruto was feeling pretty uneasy and more than a little confused about the whole situation he was in.

"Mmmm, I bet it is. So let's get straight to our question shall we? Name four toppings that can be used on ramen."

"Uh let's see…pork, kamaboko, dried seaweed, and…green onions!"

The game show Hinata checked her card "That is absolutely correct! Congratulations, you win!"

Loud noises started to go off along with swirling lights as balloons fell from the ceiling.

"WAHOO! I WON! I WON! Wait…what I'd win?" asked Naruto.

"Glad you asked, you won…" the game show Hinata pulled on a rope and the regular Hinata that had been chasing him though out the story fell through the ceiling and landed in Naruto's arms. "Me!"

Naruto looked at the Hinata in his arms then over to the game show Hinata then back to the regular Hinata.

"I don't think I've ever been so confused in my entire life."

"You think you're confused now, just wait until you wake up from your headache." said Hinata as she got more comfortable in his arms.

"What headache?" asked Naruto.

"This one!" replied Hinata as she hit him on the head with a frying pan.

* * *

Naruto awoke next to Kyuubi's cell but something was wrong, Kyuubi, one of the scariest monsters Naruto had ever seen, was on his back with his tongue lollygagging out of his mouth and laying on the floor, his feet were rapidly moving in the air like he was trying to run.

"Um...what exactly is going on he…"

"**OH HELLO SUNSHINE PORCUPINE!"** slurred Kyuubi. "**Do you know who keeps putting these bars here? I keep hitting my head with them and I'm starting to get a sore spot."**

"Aww why do you have to be crazy too?" pouted Naruto.

"**Because the martians are planning…to invade our cucumbers….so they can steal our marshmallows for the unicorns. The evil bastards!"**

"Okay, you know what? I think I'll come back when you decide to be coherent."

When Naruto woke up both him and Hinata were in a bed, together. He quickly lifted up the blankets and gave a breath of relief when he saw that they were both fully clothed.

"Well Mr. Sleepyhead, I see your finally awake."

Naruto turned to his left to see Hinata's face less than an inch from his.

Naruto jumped back so far he fell out of bed.

"Not to worry, Future-Father-Of-My-Children. We were only taking a snuggly nap together."

Naruto's only response was jumping out the window.

Hinata sighed and rolled her eyes. "Cat and mouse again huh? Oh well, not as though I don't enjoy it."

With a quick leap Hinata jumped out the same window already close on Naruto's tail.

"Naruto if you're just going to keep running from me then I have no choice!"

Hinata went through an odd series of hand signs.

"Shippuden-no-jutsu!"

"Ship the who?"

If anybody wants to use that boyfriend ball idea my only request is that you don't use it for a gay pairing. Said ball should be applied to a girl-with-a-crush and a guy-running-from-said-girl-for-some-reason scenario. Other than that? It's available for everything…anime, cartoons, books, comics, tv shows, you name it. Just tell me if you gonna use it.


	7. Chapter 7

It's single awareness day again, so that means YOU all get another update. I should warn you though, I am ridiculously far behind on the magna. Start the fic.

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**LAST TIME ON "CUPID GOES CRAZY IN KONOHA": Hinata threw a boyfriend ball at Naruto which didn't go over as popular as mdizzle thought it would. Thinking quickly she decided to use the Legendary Time Skip no Jutsu which the readers have never heard of before. And then the fic got an inexplicable narrator; what fourth wall?**

A bright flash blinded our hero so he came to a slow stop. He was taller now for sure, and his clothes changed from orange to orange and black.

"Huh. I suddenly feel a lot more badass."

Shippuden Hinata became a blur as she glomp tackled Naruto down to the ground

On the ground Hinata snuggled with Naruto nuzzling her face against his.

She stopped when she noticed Naruto's confused yet blushing face. Finally she smiled and said "Well what did you think I was going to do? We've already established no nooki till marriage."

"Oh…yeah, I actually forgot about that."

"And me holding you isn't necessarily bad is it?"

Naruto's blush deepened as he averted his gaze away from her. "I-I-I suppose not…"

Hinata beamed with the utter most joy. "And I know exactly how to open your mind to our relationship, although there might be some 'minor' discomforts."

"Like what?"

"Like this."

Hinata hit him in the head yet again with the same frying pan from the last chapter.

As Naruto started to drift off in to unconsciousness he muttered "I got to get that frying pan away from her."

* * *

For the first time that day, Sasuke actually felt wonderful. It was as if that huge flash had given him an increase in power. "Wow, I'm real. This is amazing! I feel incredible! ! YES! YES! YES! I can do this! I can win! I…"

Sasuke then looked down at his Sound Village outfit. "Why am I wearing a dress?"

* * *

Kakashi looked around, such a dramatic flash must have changed something. Then looked down at his self and eye smiled. "Still awesome! Now where'd my honey nut go?"

He looked down and saw the rotting corpse of the squirrel he had been chasing. "Oh…it's dead….huh."

* * *

Tsunade sat in a cemetery next to a grave that read "Here lies Jiraiya"

"Sigh…..Fuck!"

* * *

Kiba, was unlike the others however, he barely even noticed the flash or his change. No, because not once had he ever stopped running from his large foreheaded admirer.

"Oh Kiba, you look even hotter now!" Sakura squealed as she chased after him.

"Take a hint, you she-wolf! !" he snarled back at her.

However, Sakura had enough of their little game of cat and mouse. She slipped on her fight gloves and slammed her fist on the ground. Kiba yelped as he suddenly lost his footing as the ground beneath him gave way and fell down in to the forming crater.

Kiba frowned as he stared up in to the big blue sky, he knew Sakura would be preying upon him at any moment.

"BARK! BARK!"

Kiba sat up to see a large white dog running towards him. "Akamaru?"

The large dog bowled Kiba over licking his face.

"Hey, that's MY job! ! !" screamed Sakura.

"We'd better get out of here." Kiba said as Sakura started to charge towards them.

Kiba jumped on Akamaru who reeled back like a horse. "HI HO AKAMARU! AWAY! ! !"

* * *

Neji drooled lustfully as he stared at the Shippuden Ino…who was using a chair like a lion tamer to Neji away from her. Of all the places this had to happen why did it have to happen in her kitchen?

"Back! BACK! Back, Neji back!"

"THERE YOU ARE!" came the far away cry of Tenten.

Ino deadpanned. "Aw crap!"

Tenten broke through the wall holding a two handed war hammer in her grasp. She lifted it up ready to perform an overhead strike upon the blonde when suddenly Neji stepped in front of her arms spread out.

She froze in place with a hurt expression on her face. "N-Neji…? Get out of the way!"

"No! I won't let you hurt Ino!"

"But…But she's a harlet tramp of a hussy!"

Several anger veins appeared around Ino's head. "I can hear every word you're saying you know!"

"Yeah I know." replied Tenten.

More anger veins appeared.

"I don't care Tenten. Ino has become someone truly special to me, whom I wish to do all types of nasty stuff to…"

Ino became blue faced at the thought.

"And I had ever meant anything to you, if you ever loved any of the things we've done together, then you'll leave her and never try to hurt Ino ever again!"

Tenten's eyes watered furiously before running out the hole she had made, crying of a broken heart.

"Wow, Neji…that was pretty hardcore." commented Ino.

"Does that mean you'll let me sniff your panties? Like maybe the ones your wearing?" Neji asked with the same drooling face he had earlier, he was even wiggling his fingers around in a super pervert manor.

Ino swung the chair and broke it over Neji's head. "Ow."

* * *

Naruto groaned as he started to regain consciousness. His vision was blurry but when it finally settled he saw Hinata standing in the doorway wearing an orange dress gown.

"Welcome, the Hyuga Parlor."

That's all for now. And I hate that I have to say this YET AGAIN, but the point of this story is random sillyness. You don't want any of that than you're in the wrong story. And for those of you wondering why I'm not updating anything else, I guess you could say I'm kind of testing myself on something. If I succeed I will be updating regularly again and I must say I've doing pretty good so far. See you next year.


	8. Chapter 8

Okay, with any luck I was able to update this on the appropriate day. Start the fic.

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"Th-The Hyuga parlor?" Naruto repeated.

He looked down and saw that he was tied up with some rope yet again.

"That's right. It's just a quaint little room for the family to chat with friends and have some tea maybe."

"So why bring me here?"

"It's a good place to cuddle of course!" she cheered as she sat herself down next to Naruto and wrapped both her arms around him.

Naruto sighed and hung his head. "Should have seen that one coming."

* * *

Iruka had ducked in to an alleyway to try and escape Jungle Anko, but he became a little disorientated when Hinata used the Time Skip no Jutsu. Which was odd for him because he didn't seem to have changed that much at all, it was a little disappointing.

"FOUND YOU!" came a shout from the end of the alleyway.

"Anko please! We're in an alley way for crying out loud!"

"Well my darling dolphin I think that's just…what's that behind you?"

Iruka turned around and noticed the wall behind him had some graffiti written on it. It read 'Naruto was here. PS. Please help me. PPS. Hinata's gone nuts and is after me. PPPS. I'm scared. She sucked me in to a ball somehow.' Iruka gave a heavy sigh and buried his face in his palm.

"Never thought the brat was one to send out an S.O.S."

Iruka jumped as he saw Anko standing next to him hands on her hips, reading the graffiti.

"I thought he grew out of this kind of thing." He said a little nervously, maybe he could get her mind off of him by changing the subject.

"It's actually kind of a mood killer." Anko said with a frown.

Iruka gave a weak smile. "R-Really?"

Anko chortled a little. "Nah not really, I'm just yanking your chain."

She pulled out a kunai and cut a trip wire Iruka couldn't believe he hadn't noticed earlier, and then he was suddenly hurled through the air by the very ground he stood on sprung up leaving Anko standing on the ground laughing like a hyena.

"Now Iruka will crash in to my apartment building but he'll be too injured to run away." she reached in to her jacket and pulled out a pair of binoculars and started to watch his dissent. "Now I can just sit back and wait to play his 'special' nur…he just over shot my apartment. Iruka, where the Hell are you headed? Oh dear!"

Anko bit her tongue as she saw where he was headed. "Iruka that's the wall! That's the border wall! IRUKA! I demand you defy the laws of physics right now and get back here!"

SLAM!

Anko bit her thumb nail as she heard Iruka hit the wall. "Oh gee, I hope I can still play his 'special' nurse and not his widow."

* * *

To say Hiashi Hyuga was surprised to see his eldest daughter in the parlor with a tied up young man would be like saying a hurricane was just a little gust of wind.

"Hinata! You let that young man go this inst…is that Naruto?"

"That's right, daddy. But I have to keep him tied up or else he'll run away."

Hiashi rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm…Naruto is actually pretty well liked in the village now a days."

"HOLY SHIT! I AM?!"

"Actually might make a good son in law….But you can't tie someone up and keep them hostage just because you love them."

Hinata frowned looking back and forth between Naruto and her father. "Really?"

"Yes. That's what your mother used to tell me. Now cut him free or you'll never have a healthy relationship with him."

Hinata hung her head sadly. "Yes father…" she got out her kunai and started to cut Naruto's ropes.

As soon as she was done Naruto made a dash and leapt through the window, which is to say he actually crashed through it leaving a Naruto shaped hole behind.

"Well what're you waiting for?" Hiashi asked. "A true Hyuga never lets a love interest escape. You don't see Neji giving up do you?"

* * *

Ino let out a wordless battle cry as she repeatedly bashed a chair over Neji's head. Despite her assault Neji started to get back up regardless.

"Why?!" she shouted at him. "Why do you have to be so creepy?!"

"Because it's all I know." he stated simply before Ino broke the chair over his head.

"Wh-What?"

Neji stood up and started to speak but then a spout of blood shout out from the back of his head where Ino hit him.

"EEEEK! Bandage yourself up first!"

"Hm. Very well."

Neji grabbed the base of Ino's dress and ripped off a long piece and started to work it in to a head bandage.

With a scream of "FRESH!" Ino slapped Neji across the face promising to leave a red hand print on his cheek.

"Now then as I was saying; when I was dating Tenten all this 'creepy' stuff that I do was her idea. She said she enjoyed all the extra attention, but we did this stuff so often I kind of forgot how to do anything else with a lady."

Ino had been paying so much attention to Neji's little explanation she had put the chair down without even realizing it.

"AHA! GOTCHA!" Neji shouted before giving Ino a flying tackle.

* * *

Anko dragged Iruka through the streets by one leg "You still believe me right? That I didn't mean for you to hit the wall?"

"My left arm and right leg are broken!" Iruka snapped.

"And that's why I'm pulling you by your left leg." chirped Anko.

Before Iruka could make his tenth demand for a trip to the hospital he saw an orange blur speeding his way.

"Is that…Naruto?"

Yes indeed, Naruto had stopped just short of Anko and Iruka. "Iruka-sensei, you've gotta help me! I have girl problems the like of which you'd never believe!"

Anko dragged Iruka up a little closer to herself.

"I'm sorry, Naruto. But right now I have problems of my own."

Naruto looked between Anko and Iruka and then instantly knew what he was talking about. "Oh no! No! Not you too!"

"I'm afraid so Naruto. And if your problem is anything like mine then you can't afford to stand still for this long."

Naruto frowned. "But…sensei…"

"Run Naruto!" Iruka shouted. "Run and don't look back!"

Naruto sobbed silently as he turned and ran.

"DON'T LOOK BACK, NARUTO! DON'T LOOK BACK!"

* * *

Meanwhile in a forest, Sasuke was busy looking for some more masculine clothing.

"Paaaaants! Where are you my pants?!"

He lifted a boulder and stuck his head underneath. "Pants?"

"SASUKE!

Itatchi panted as he maneuvered through the trees. "Sasuke I….why are you wearing a dress?"

"That's what I'd like to know."

Itatchi opened his mouth to speak but instead gave an involuntary shudder. "OOoooh!

Why do I have this feeling that if we were to fight I would lose?"

"Because you probably already did. But reality is so messed up right now I'm surprised we can even tell which way is up."

"Well anyways, I can't get the dames to shut up about yaoi so I thought I'd look in to this craziness that's been happening with everyone lately and guess what I found out?"

Sasuke scratched his head, no matter what he just couldn't find his pants. "What?"

"It looks like Cupid, the God of Love and Happiness, has gone insane and is shooting everyone."

"That makes sense."

"It does? Really?"

"NO NOT REALLY! Nothing about today has made any sense! But now I know who I can take it out on!"

Sasuke activated his curse mark but his second wing was made out of snakes.

"Now behold as I use snakes to fly!"

"You're gonna what?"

"I know! I know! It doesn't make a lot of sense, but neither does using the Chidori on myself to defuse bombs attached to my blood cells."

"I think you need to go find that baby now. This is starting to make my head hurt."

* * *

Naruto panted tiredly but gave a soft smile. "Okay, I climbed the wall, jumped through the trees, swam rivers, and trudged through mud. I think I finally lost her."

"If you really think that's true, then you should look at your hand." said a voice.

"Why?" Naruto's gaze started to go down his arm. "What's wrong with my…" his hand was being held by both of Hinata's. "OH DARN IT!"

And I'm afraid that's all I can give you this year. I apologize if I got the Hyuga-Hyuuga thing wrong, you see I actually wrote this chapter with a fever. So try to cut me a little slack this year.


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